Parental relationship with your ex

Depending on what the reason for the divorce was, keeping a relationship with an ex is hard. But if you have kids together you will need to work through your differences for the sake of the kids. You will need to co-parent, hence build a different type of a relationship. With information from various sources DUMASE ZGAMBO-MAPEMBA writes.

After a bitter break-up, most ex-couples would rather avoid each other. But this does not work if children are in involved; hence, the issue of shared child custody will take precedence.

Whatever anger or bitterness is there needs to be worked through. Cooperating and communicating without blow-ups or bickering makes decision-making far easier on everybody.

This is how you can work out your ‘new’ parental relationship:

Never vent your anger on your child

Never vent to your child. This collaborates with the article EveryWoman in the Family & Health section carried two weeks ago on whether to talk to your children about your cheating partner. It is like making them carry your load. It may affect them in one way or the other.

Don’t make them feel like they have to choose. Your child has a right to a relationship with his or her other parent that is free of your influence.

Friends, therapists, or even a loving relation can all make good listeners when you need to get negative feelings off your chest. Exercise can also be a healthy outlet for letting off steam.

You can avoid personal communication

Communication with your ex is likely to be a tough task. Remember that it isn’t always necessary to meet your ex in person—speaking over the phone or exchanging texts or emails is fine for the majority of conversations.

But, never use kids as messengers. It puts him or her in the centre of your conflict. The goal is to keep your child out of your relationship issues, so call or email your ex yourself.

Respect each other

Simple manners are often neglected between co-parents, even though they should be the foundation for co-parenting. Being gracious for what the other has done on your behalf will go a long way. Be flexible and adjust your programmes at times. Communicate changes in schedules and programmes in time.

Education

In most private schools, we have parent-teacher meetings and other activities that need both parents to be there. Speak with your ex ahead of time about class schedules, extra-curricular activities, and parent-teacher conferences, and be polite to him or her at school or sports events.

Try not to miss these important events since the objective is to maintain schedules and commitment.

Argue, it’s healthy

It might sound tedious, but if you disagree about something important, you will need to continue to communicate about the topic. Just keep it civil. Avoid bringing issues from the past. Osakumbana!

Never discuss your differences of opinions with or in front of your child. If you still can’t agree, you may need to talk to a third party, like a therapist or mediator.

These things may be easy on paper but to put them into practice may not be that simple. The key is to be calm, find your inner-self, forgive and let go of the bitter past.