When a relationship of some length is over, it feels like death. And if you ask Remmy Chisankho, who stays in Namiwawa, Blantyre, she will tell you the same. She is fresh and recently single.
“Being single is not a bad thing at all, but if you are a woman of my age who is being asked all kinds of questions about marriage, you will feel like the whole world has turned against you,” she says.
Now 30, Chisankho has just gotten out of a five-year relationship. She met her boyfriend back in college and it seemed they would tie the knot anytime soon, but alas, he just dropped the bombshell.
She says things were going on well and she never suspected he would leave her. In fact, she thought they would live ‘happily ever after.’
“I met this man in my final years of college. Almost everybody was asking me when we were going to get married, and every time I asked him, he would tell me not to worry. I mean I too was not in a hurry. I had a man and soon we were going to start a family,” she says.
But when the man unexpectedly dropped her, Chisankho describes the feeling as one of the worst, with societal expectations hovering, options like dating married men linger.
Generally, in Malawi, when a woman is approaching late twenties, people begin to ask questions such as, ‘when will this woman get married and what is wrong with her?’
If one is in a relationship, the questions do not make sense. But to all the single women approaching 30, such questions are usually not taken lightly.
But then isn’t this type of pressure forcing women to date married men with the hope that one day he may leave his wife for them?
Marriage counselor, Silvester Chinyoza believes there is no excuse in dating a married man. He notes that while societal pressures can push women to the limit, there is no justification in wrecking a marriage.
“Women grow up fast, that is true and we all know that. But once a relationship has collapsed, there is no need to take drastic measures. Time heals all wounds. The best thing is just to take some time out and relax. Trust God for a breakthrough,” says Chinyoza.
To some the breakup can take a toll on a person’s life, but psychologist Dominic Nsona advises psychological help if need be.
“If you see that the breakup has hit you pretty bad and you are not sure of your next step, please seek help. It might not be a bad thing.
“At the end of the day, it is you who needs the help and forget what everybody says,” he says.
Marriage counselor Constance Masamba says: “if you begin to date married men in the hope that he will leave his wife, he is lying to you. You will forever be MG2.”