Pressures that young married couples face

Two people with different backgrounds cannot agree on everything. In marriage this is common. It takes the two of you to work out on these pressures if you are to enjoy your commitment. In this article, BECKY SWEAT, an international writer, writes on this subject.

Psychologists refer to these pressures as marital stressors. Simply put, a marital stressor is any kind of external influence that challenges or threatens a marriage. These can cause tension and discord between spouses. Some marital stressors cause husbands and wives to gradually drift apart—with little or no conflict between them.

Financial hardship and job loss

Even in good economic times money is a leading cause of marital strife. Couples argue about how to spend their money and who’s doing the most to keep the household budget in the black. But in an economy with high unemployment rates and rising cost of living, couples may be much more “on edge” about finances.

Any type of job loss or salary reduction can be devastating, but especially if it’s the husband’s.

“Even though there’s been a great deal of change in contemporary families, there’s still the implicit expectation that the husband will be the primary breadwinner. If he is not able to do that, it’s a huge blow to his self-esteem,” notes Dr. Bradford Wilcox, director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia.

Toxic busyness

Many couples today have overloaded their schedules with work, child care and household responsibilities, as well as recreational pursuits and social functions.

Couple time becomes even harder to come by when marital partners work different schedules. One may work the day shift while the other works nights, and their schedules may overlap for only a short time each day. With the rapid growth of the service economy (which requires more around-the-clock employees than does manufacturing or office work), the number of people working nonstandard shifts has grown.

Typically, these jobs require at least some weekend work.

“Such schedules undermine the stability of marriages, increase the amount of housework to be done, reduce family cohesiveness and require elaborate child care arrangements.

“Couples in which one spouse works late shifts report having substantially less quality time together and marital unhappiness than couples where spouses work only fixed daytime jobs. They are also more likely to separate or divorce,” says professor Harriet Presser from University of Maryland’s Department of Sociology.

“Weekends used to be a time for families to just relax together,” says William Doherty, professor and director of the Marriage and Family Therapy Program at the University of Minnesota. “Now parents are busy all weekend shuffling their children to all the different sporting events they’re involved with.”

Electronic distractions

Another way time and attention is being directed away from marriages is through technology. What used to be “couple time” is often being consumed by computers, iPods, phones, video games and countless other electronic distractions.

A lot of people complain that their spouse pays more attention to their BlackBerry than they do to them.

Online infidelity

A far more insidious aspect of the Internet is not just that it takes away couple time, but that it can be a source of pornography, erotic fantasy, illicit relationships, cyber-affairs and ultimately the destruction of marriages.

Some people go online for sexual purposes—either to view pornographic images or to engage in an online sexual relationship of some kind.

In some cases “cyber-adulterers” arrange to meet in real life and engage in an actual “live” affair. But even if the online relationship never gets past “cybersex,” that, along with viewing pornography, is certainly still a form of infidelity and a serious threat to a marriage.

It damages the trust and intimacy within the husband-wife relationship. The spouse of the sex addict can develop deep emotional wounds and feelings of betrayal, loss, devastation and anger.

Pornography stimulates a distorted view of sexuality within the porn addict that can lead to the desire for riskier or criminal sexual behaviours.

Selfishness trumps commitment

People are more focused on making themselves happy, rather than in doing what is right. With many, religion is no longer the authority in their lives, so everything the Bible says—including teachings against adultery—doesn’t matter to them.