Our esteemed leader of delegation, Professor Abiti Dr Joyce Befu, also fondly called MG 33 or MEGA-1, has directed that we attend Sunday’s second launch of the United Transport of Malawi, sorry, United Transformation Movement (UTM), in Blantyre, the city that is smarting out of darkness.
Last week, we braved the cold weather and attended the first UTM launch in Lilongwe. We will also attend the third launch in Mzuzu next Saturday. Thereafter, we will attend the fourth launch in Mangochi. We will also attend the mini launches in all 35 electoral districts, all the 193 constituencies and all the three million villages.
We really loved the speeches by UTM leaders, none of whom had been elected by anyone to their positions. We were moved. If elections were held last Saturday we would have voted for the UTM.
We loved the emphasis the UTMs unelected president placed on the need to stop and punish corruption immediately and to remove the presidential immunity. The unelected president of the UTM assured us that he knew the people who were stealing from the poor and, if elected president of Malawi next year, he would ask them to pay back what they had stolen from Malawians or jail them. He did not talk about the management of Account Number One, which is the Cashgate pot for politicians and senior civil servants.
The unelected president of UTM should consult the elected president of the PPM, Mark Katsonga Phiri, on how to stop the loot from Account Number One. Mark has ready solutions. Mark our words.
When the unelected president of UTM said he would ensure that the machine government had bought to rig next year’s elections did not work we, the crowd, went frenzy confirming our suspicion that the 2014 elections were stolen electronically. It was revelation time, indeed.
“You see,” Jean-Philippe started, shaking his head, “I have lived in Malawi for six years now and I thought I understood Malawi and Malawians, but I am happy to report that I still have a long way to go.”
“What more do you want to learn about Malawi?” asked the Most Paramount Native Authority Mzee Mandela.
“How do you launch a party several times?” Jean-Philippe wondered adding, “By the time the launches are over, the elections will have been conducted and the winner sworn in at dawn.”
“I also wonder who decided to put unelected president of UTM’s face on the movement’s cloth, because all over the world movements are represented by symbols or cartoons rather than human faces!” Jean-Philippe remarked.
“No comment!” Professor Befu commented.
“Yet the UTM claims to be against strongman politics,” Mzee Mandela wondered.
“Even strongman Hilter claimed to be a democrat,” Nganga Maigwaigwa chipped in.
“And does the UTM understand equitable access to higher education or quota [system], as it is called by its enemies?” Jean-Philippe asked, changing the topic.
“Quota is evil and satanic. Period!” I said, agreeing with the UTM strongman politician’s open sentiments.
“Quota is neither evil nor satanic. Exclamation mark!” Mzee Mandela challenged.
“What have you been smoking, Mzee?” I asked angrily.
“The quota selection policy has been applied in Malawi for decades,” Mzee explained. “Kamuzu Banda was not stupid to have used it in selecting students to the Kamuzu Academy. The Malawi Congress Party was not idiotic to introduce Gable [Girls Attainment in Basic Literacy and Education] to promote girl’s education. And from what I hear today quota selection guarantees 10 spaces per public higher education institution per districts every year. The remaining spaces are selected based on district population ratios. It is the only policy that is fair in Malawi. It has been used in America, South Africa, and elsewhere to give qualified minorities a chance. It is positive discrimination if you like.”
“Evil and satanic man justifying evil and devilish policies,” I said.
“The only problem I see,” Mzee Mandela said, “is that quota applies to university access only. I actually look to the day quota will apply in all sectors of Malawian society. FISP should be distributed equitably. Roads should be constructed equitably. Stadiums should be erected equitably. Cabinet posts should be distributed equitably. The police inspector-generalship should be distributed equitably. The army commandership should be equitable. The state presidency should rotate to ensure every district produces one.”
“Death, too, should be distributed equitably!” I joked, agreeing with Mzee Mandela.
“Interestingly, it is people who accessed university education courtesy of quota selection that make the most noise!” Abiti concluded.