When is the right time to experience physical intimacy with that someone special? Whether it is the first time to have sex or the first time to have sex with that person…what drives your decision? If you are one of the honest few that keeps it together and waits for that special wedding day then I applaud you, but let us be honest; more times than most those lessons at bridal showers are wasted on learned experts.
Did you, have you or will ask yourself these questions —- are you doing it because you want to? Is your partner or are your friends pressuring you to have sex? Do any of these sound familiar “If you love me, you will do it.” “Everyone else is doing it!” “You were willing before, what changed?” “Don’t you want to make our relationship stronger?” “You will have to do it sometime – why not now, with me?” “I will be gentle and it’ll be really great, I promise!” and my favourite…“I will only put it in for a second…” I know I always chide men for being the culprits but certainly the last one can only be male instigated but women too, do pressurise men into sex.
None of the above. NONE is a good reason to have sex. The person you are with does not respect or really care about you. They are selfish and only thinking of their interests.
Nor should you have sex just because your friends are saying things like: “You mean you have never done it?” “You are a virgin, you would not understand.” “No-one will be interested in you if they hear you are frigid.” “It’s amazing – you don’t know what you are missing!”
Many of your friends will only be saying this sort of thing because they think everyone will laugh at them if they admit they have never really done anything! Besides, being sexually experienced at a young age doesn’t necessarily make someone mature.
Sex can leave you feeling vulnerable afterwards in a way you might not be prepared for. Usually, you will have better sex with someone you know really well, are comfortable with and who you can talk to openly about relationships and feelings.
If you don’t trust your partner enough not to laugh at you or you don’t feel you can tell them whether you have had sex before, then it’s far better to wait until you can. And if you think you will have to drink a lot of alcohol before you do it, so you feel relaxed enough or you only find yourself thinking about having sex when you are drunk, then that suggests you’re not ready.
—Adapted from avert.org