Regaining self–esteem

There are certain things that happen in our lives that heavily affect our self-esteem or confidence. How huge the impact of the incident(s) has been determines how quickly we can rebuild our esteem. DUMASE ZGAMBO-MAPEMBA writes.

The word esteem means that someone or something is important, special, or valuable. Self-esteem is a term that reflects a person’s overall evaluation or appraisal of his or her own worth. It’s not about thinking you are perfect, because nobody is. It means seeing yourself in a positive and realistic way.

According to Oxford Handbook of Positive Psychology, it is conceptualised as an attitude toward the self and is similar to a judgment of oneself. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs (for example, “I am competent”, “I am worthy”) and emotions such as triumph, despair, pride and shame.

For most people self-esteem is not inborn. It develops with time. If you closely observe the behaviour of children in school and at home, you may be able to detect this. In most cases, for children that find themselves in a class that is above their age, their confidence in speaking out or participating in class activities is quite low.

This observation corroborates what early childhood developers say. Most under-age children will do well in most subjects but their personal development may not be at par with their performance in class. Most of them feel a little intimidated by the older or ‘proper aged’ class mates.

It is only natural to feel this way. That is why it took time for most of us that started Standard One when we were around four years old to develop confidence and high self-esteem. When we can finally confidently do what we want in life, handle situations like we know what we are doing and quickly get up when we fall, it is sometimes hard to rebuild self-esteem when we have hit rock-bottom.

We lose self–esteem through heart breaks, divorce, losing a job, bankruptcy, being bullied, and other negative experiences that we go through.

But here are some tips to help us get into gear again, an extract from the eBook Motivate Your Way to Success.

Honour values close to you – Develop and set specific important values in life. Learn to honour them whatever the circumstances.

Fix your goals – Your love for yourself comes to the fore through goals you set. If your respect for yourself is high, you will set challenging, higher goals.

Be positive and happy – Develop a positive attitude towards life and try to uphold it in all circumstances. Positive thoughts bring about positive happenings. The latter makes you look at opportunities optimistically and you imbibe more motivation from happiness.

Take up each challenge one by one – There is no point in accumulating them all together and then being unable to complete anything.

Try to get into unfamiliar surroundings and explore better opportunities – Do not cling only to known places, persons, skills and work. Open and encourage numerous prospects for better development and enhancement of your skills.

Learn to live every moment of your life fully – Passion ignites all your feelings and you become livelier when you develop and retain passion in your life. Do not let go of excitement and happiness of each moment that you experience. Once you lose your present, it is impossible to get back.

Reward yourself – Fix goals in life, break them into smaller targets and reward yourself on reaching every target. This boosts your energy and self-esteem.