Should children know about cheating partner?

Infidelity causes problems in the home and most often they are problems you cannot hide. The children will know something is wrong. However, is it right to sit them down and talk to them about your partner’s infidelity? Mwereti Kanjo finds out.

When going through a phase or situation, everyone needs someone to talk to. Talking about the issue has been said to be therapy on its own. It makes the heart feel lighter.

Some parents are lucky enough that they have made best friends out of their children. When they have had a bad day at work, they know there is someone at home willing to listen and make them feel better.

However, it becomes problematic when heartache is caused by a partner who also happens to be a parent to the child, especially if the issue is about infidelity.

Should parents talk to their children about the mistakes that their partners have made?

Cathy Meyer, a contributor to divorce women on line, says she wishes her parents had told her about the cheating when she was younger. She says this would have helped understand the sort of relationship they had because she spent days wondering what was going on. Meyer found out about her father infidelity at the age of 35 after he had died.

“I wished I had known about my father’s affairs. It would have helped me understand their relationship. My adolescence was hell. I thought I had a right to know about them: If only to sort out my current problems and issues.

“I wonder how other older divorced women have handled this issue,” said Meyer.

However, family counselor Regina Phanga is of the contrary view. She says parents must try a much as possible not to talk to their children about family problems – especially cheating. According to her, this has high chances of disturbing the children mentally and emotionally; but it also sends the wrong message.

“You cannot under any circumstance tell your children that their father or mother is having an affair. This shows weakness in the cheating partner. It is something that children should not be exposed to. They may lose respect for that parent, but it also has the potential to disturb them in school or whatever it is they do.

“In a scenario where they ask about what is going on you simply explain that there is a misunderstanding but do not go into details,” said Phanga.