Should money matter in a relationship?

Nicollette recalls the time she watched her co-worker calling her boyfriend after scrolling through Facebook advertisements. She told him what she saw that she wanted; a nice pair of heels. She asked him to buy it for her. Is this common? Do men expect this kind of thing from their women? Is money one of the features that make women more interested in a potential suitor?

Vieson Thawani posts on his Facebook page, Wisdom for Winning, on different subjects including advice on leadership, career success, business development, dating and marrying.

Recently he wrote in an article Provide for your Woman, that whenever he asked a girl he once was almost in a relationship with, why she liked him she would always say, ‘you have a nice personality, you are smart, ambitious’ and so on.

Thawani says for several times, he asked her whether she liked the fact that he was able to buy her some nice things and take her to fancy restaurants every now and then, but she said no.

As much as he wants his woman to love him for his other qualities Thawani says he also wants his woman to include in that deal his ability to provide for her financially.

In the article he argues that many men in Africa are poor because their women have allowed them to be poor, partly because African cultures vilify women who consider a man’s financial status when deciding whether to marry him or not.

Some women say that money makes men more attractive to them, even pointing out that they like to be spoiled, and so just a handsome face is not enough.

One woman states that even if a man cheats on her, she would not mind if he is rich and she is partaking in the riches.

Marriage counsellor Inkosi Chimalizeni agrees that most women get into relationships with men for their money. He, however, notes that this was not the case in the past and advises that love should come first in any relationship.

“What is required is for money to come second, as a deciding factor for a relationship, and love should be the first thing that compels someone to be in a relationship. But these days, things are changing, and money is at the centre of everything,” he says.

Chimalizeni, however, believes that most of the women that say money is what attracts them to men would not say the same after 10 to 15 years because then they will have realised the importance of marrying for love.

Sociologist Charles Chilimampunga, however, argues that it would not be right to conclude that women are attracted to men for money.

“Money is not the only thing that women are looking for, although it can sometimes be seen to be. Love is; but sometimes the love can be presented through money.

“My personal observation is that not every woman is attracted by money. Most men are better educated and they have good jobs, so they tend to have more money than women and can use the money to provide the woman some comfort,” he says. n