Should you watch porn with your partner?

Sex is an act that should be enjoyed by couples. However with the increasing numbers of people watching pornography in the country the old age question stands, whether men should watch porn with their partners or not. CHEU MITA finds out through Facebook what Malawians think.

Cindy Chupack, writing in O magazine says that although the man in your life might prefer to believe that the only to-do in your head during sex is him, that’s not always the case. “Busy women, even when we’re getting busy, have active minds. If it took men as long to reach orgasm as it does women (on average 20 minutes), their minds might wander too.”

Chupack was writing in response to a question from Sheila from Illinois, USA, who used pornography as a turn on and watched it with her husband. But do Malawians think the same?

It is not good because what happens is that whenever you go to bed with your lover, you actually have the feelings of the one on the screen not the one with you. This also drives away the actual or the real meaning of the love you have had for your lover.— Jumbe Hastings

It is totally uncalled for, unheard of to watch porn as a family (even as hubby and wife only) because it creates unrealistic expectations on the partners. Sex, in our culture, is holified and too respected to be watered down for public viewing the way porn movie makers do. Instead of solving any sexual problem a family might be experiencing, watching porn only worsens the problem. And these things are damn addictive! —Chiku Ndaferankhande

According to our culture, it will be difficult to watch. —Spencer Maiden

Human’s sexual practices and behaviour are one of the few critical characteristics that set us apart us from other animals. Defenders of pornography argue that viewing pornography is a harmless hobby that doesn’t really harm anyone but truth is; it leaves a trail of victims in its destructive wake just like any addictive ‘hobby’. Sex, by most cultures and religions is treated as private, sacred, holy and divine. Pornography, just like any other addictive habits has grave consequences on the family; both the partners may want to experiment what they see.

Pornography portrays unrealistic, impractical and over demanding expectations on spouses; agile, super-sized always perfect situations, contortionists’ sexual positions that most spouses can only fantasise to compete with. Subsequently that leads to reduced self-esteem that may result in divorce.— Tsitsi Florence

Biblically it is wrong! Why can’t one be content with what they have? The first times you may say, I want to learn and stimulate my sexual desire but by and by, instead of concentrating on your spouse, you start visualising the porn actors. Then you start complaining to your spouse that they are not doing the things seen on the porn movies and the spouse starts feeling inferior. Why can’t couples teach each other their own styles depending on how they interact? Those porn movies are edited, do not be cheated that most of the things are true. Such movies bring disharmony in homes, a spouse may start complaining that their friend is only doing it for a short time yet in movies someone was doing it for one hour. It is wrong people! —Tasi Kayuni