Signs of abusive relationships

As an extension to last week’s article on ‘When he starts to beat you’, STELLA FOWEWE, our guest inspiration writer, reminds us that before a relationship turns abusive, there are signs that we need to watch out for.

Have you ever been abused? Most of the times, victims of abusive relationship cannot clearly see that they are a victim until someone shines a light on the situation. Relationships should be a blessing and not a curse.

Most people get into a relationship to make life better and happy. Sadly, this is not true for everyone in the world, but rather abuse has now become the order of the day.  Abuse in relationships is not normal. It is unfortunate that in most cases abuse is still viewed as a private matter. Most victims suffer in silence.

Most often, when a woman is abused, some people tend to ask many questions such as: How could someone as beautiful as her get into such a relationship? How could he do that to her? Why would she put up with it? Why did she go back to him? The truth of the matter is that abusive relationships are difficult to explain due to the complex dynamics of abuse.

Abusive relationships don’t start with abuse. The relationship starts out with chocolate, flowers, courting and romance. The abuse slips in slowly. It may not seem so obvious to the person in the relationship that things are getting out of hand because they have slowly progressed to that point over time.

An abusive relationship may include sexual, emotional and physical abuse. It may also involve control of finances

So, how then can you tell if you are in an abusive relationship? What are some of the warning signs?

Possessiveness

Checking on you all the time to see where you are, what you are doing and who you are with. But it is also possible that someone wants to know you are safe or how you are doing. Possessiveness is also when someone is trying to control where you go and who you can or cannot see.

Jealousy

Gets jealous easily, accuses you without good reason of being unfaithful or flirting. Jealous can make your partner isolate you from family and friends rudely.

Put downs

If they put you down either publicly or privately, by attacking your intelligence, looks, mental capabilities and constantly comparing you unfavorably with others. If your partner blames you for all the problems in the relationship, for the times your partner is out of control or violent and making you feel confused or mad, this is a sign of abuse.

Threats

Yelling, sulking and deliberately breaking things that you value; threatening to use violence against you, your family and friends; saying things like ‘no one else will want you’ and making you feel scared of him or her.

If you are feeling this way in your relationship, talk to your partner about it. If it does not help, seek outside help from a trusted person.