State of our mediocrity
Apart from being named the warm heart of Africa for its genuinely friendly peoples, Malawi is a country of negatives. Some foreign researchers from foreign universities and foreign research institutes, in whom we unquestioningly and wholeheartedly believe, have called Malawi the poorest country in the world.
Of course, we have politely refuted that description by quoting researchers and statisticians we pray to and believe in. Other foreign researchers, in whom we also believe and trust, have described us as the slowest people in the world, a people with very little sense of the preciousness of time. They cite, as a case study of our slowness, how much time it takes for the citizens of Blantyre to cross a pedestrian crossing or report back to work from lunch.
If these exogenous researchers and writers were generous with examples, they would have told us how slow we are in getting rid of dictators. It took us a whole generation to get rid of Dr Kamuzu Banda. Although we are not in the voodoo business or herbology practice, we can verily vouch hic et nunc that it will take another generation to get rid of this nepotism that is eating at our national psyche and positively contributing to our national underdevelopment.
If these non-Malawian researchers really hated us, they would not have told us, truthfully, that our fire-brigade, ambulance and police emergency services are the slowest in the world. Want more examples? Go to the hospital. Go to the Road Traffic Department. Go and apply for a passport. Go and apply for a new water or electricity connection. Go and apply for a replacement of an auto-teller machine (ATM) card.
As if that were not enough, Malawi is a country that believes and wallows in mediocrity. Want proof? The Malawi national football team, the so-called Malawi Embers, have since 1979 not done anything worth justifying their presence in the national budget. The last time they competed in a serious tournament, they were declared the best of the poor performers. As a result, they were awarded a silver basin, plate or something like that. However, the players landed in Malawi to a hero’s welcome and reception. Naturally, some were shocked at the warm reception. But, others, believers in and supporters of mediocrity, were shocked at those who were shocked.
Want another example? Recently the Malawi Netball Team went out to Australia to participate in the 2015 World Netball Tournament. They performed wonders against South Africa and had a record score of 101-18 against Sri Lanka. However, when time came to do the real dance against Jamaica and New Zealand our girls could not stand the heat. In short, as Hairtail’s Edith Malizani put it, the Malawi Netball Team went to Australia at number six and came back as they went there, at number six.
Yet, typical of the state of our mediocrity, the whole nation led by Her Excellency, except, of course, those like Sheikh Jean-Philippe LePoisson, SC (RTD), Abiti Joyce Befu, MG 66, AMAI (RTD), Mzee Native Authority Mandela, and I, the Mohashoi, received and declared the losing Malawi Princesses as heroines. We, who don’t praise and worship mediocrity, saw nothing worth praising, rolling the red carpet, and opening the hummer limousine, for. Failure should not be thanked with praise.
Hear this and hear it well. We will not organise any party for the Princesses; we will not greet them; we will not smile at them; we will not photograph them, and we will not sing about them until the day they win the Netball World Cup. To us that is the minimum. As the Princesses Peaceful head coach put it, that is doable as long as Malawi invests in netball and other sports. Mediocrity in, she said, mediocrity out.
