Strings of jealousy

Women, just like men, often get jealous if their significant other has a deep and meaningful friendship with a member of the opposite sex. Women are possessive and sometimes their anger, driven by jealousy, might catch you off guard. How do you react when the presence of a husband’s female friend puts you in an awkward position?

There are several scenarios that might leave a woman bitter and jealous.

You are taking a nice jolly walk with your husband, talking about sweet little nothings. Then before you know it, you have stopped because your husband is enthusiastically hugging and talking to a woman you have never seen before. Perhaps you know the woman as your husband’s colleague but are surprised at the level of friendship.

And then there is a different scenario; you are alone, let us say at a shopping mall during lunch hour when you spot your husband laughing and holding hands with another woman. Clearly, he is too comfortable around this other woman. You walk towards them and suddenly the tension is so thick that you can cut it with a knife.

In some instances, the other woman may not even know why you are there because she has no clue you are a wife to this man she has been talking to. He introduces you but you can still feel that suspicious buzz coming from him.

Possible scenarios of this nature are too numerous to jot down but the point is; you know you are jealous and not too happy about the situation. Chances are your reaction might embarrass you or your husband because you might be thinking you are handling it well when there is a field of fire and rage coming from you. What is the best reaction?

Marriage counsellor Constance Masamba says whatever the case, it is important for spouses, friends and family to know that marriage is a union that must be respected by everyone.

She says jealousy is an important aspect of any relationship because it protects you and your spouse, plus it keeps your spouse in check, reminding them they are committed to someone else.

However, according to Masamba, there should be a limit to your jealousy. Where you feel that your spouse has gone overboard and disrespected your presence, let him know that you are not happy.

“The scenario is what will determine how you act because if the other woman knows you are the wife and they continue to go overboard in your presence, tell them that you are not happy and feel disrespected. The opposite is true. Wait till you are with your husband and let him know how seeing him behave in that way made you feel.

“The Bible says that marriage is a union that must be respected and when friends choose not to, I, as a woman, have the right to say so. Chatting with friends and colleagues of the opposite sex must have limits,” advises Masamba.

Effie Somanje, also a marriage counsellor, agrees that certain situations are capable of making you doubt your spouse but she advises to act with caution because chances are that you might make a blunder and embarrass your husband.

She gives an example of scenario two where you run into your husband chatting with someone else. It could be a relative that you have never met or an old classmate.

“If you go there angrily, trying to embarrass your husband or wanting to claim what is yours, you could end up making a big blunder that will be harder to erase.

“I would say that just walk up to them and say hello nicely. Then, excuse yourself by saying you are still running errands and you have to go. In this way, you leave your husband wondering what is going through your mind. When he gets home, he will explain himself. Sometimes silence is golden,” says Somanje.

A rare gift that was given to women is their instinct. Trust it that you know your spouse better that anyone else, then you know what he is capable of and what he is not.