Court Clerk: All rise! (the judge takes his seat) You can now sit and we demand total silence as the court of Honourable Mbadwa is now in session.
Judge Mbadwa: The court is convening a day after the commemoration of the country’s independence from the colonial masters.
This court, therefore, wants to listen to an application from the chairperson of the Inhuman Life Antagonists Timoteo Cloud.
Mr Cloud thinks his organisation has sufficient interest to take to task people who had the opportunity of transforming this country but did not do so. Mr Cloud, can you briefly make your submission?
Timoteo Cloud: My Lord, we should have been nursing hangovers of joy today after attaining 55 years of independence. But, is there something to celebrate about when economic servitude has been institutionalised in these 55 years that indigenous Nyasas have been ruling each other?
Sometimes I get a feeling that we rushed to get independence when we were not ready to rule ourselves and that explains the current levels of poverty in the country.
My Lord, it is not the colonialists’ fault that we are still feeding on unwholesome and under-nourishing food soon after weaning ourselves from the imperialists.
Have you seen the result, My Lord, we have been stunted from the under-five ages into our late fifties.
My Lord, does a real 55-year-old look stunted and wasted like us? No trace of adipose tissue of growth in all sectors of life. The few muscles Nyasas grew in the early years of Dr Banda’s agrarian supplements become wasted when we embraced multiparty democracy.
My Lord, instead of looking at adding something nutritious to the boring diet of carbohydrates the original Ngwazi fed Nyasas, the regime that followed him only fooled the nation with takeaways, despite having a rich recipe that would have taken us up to 2020 and dealing with stunted growth for good.
My Lord, we hear hitherto malnourished Rwandans have used our 2020 recipe to good effect. Result, developmental kwashiorkor and economic marasmus is now history in this country. Sadly though, those who originated this recipe are still feeding on unpalatable takeaways.
My Lord, it is with good reason that nutritionists have always discouraged takeaways, yet those who came after chairman’s government only improved the quantity of the takeaways instead of the nutritious content of the food the nation has been fed.
My Lord, the 55 years have been a waste as only the few who can afford to steal taxpayers’ money and the corrupt are those who can comfortably boast that they know something about a balanced diet.
Laconically, the country at 55 still looks like a stunted four-year-old who has lived on cooked mangoes.
Having said that, I believe the people we entrusted to prepare a national meal—our politicians—have been giving us a raw deal all these years. The sign that these people are overfeeding themselves and eating food meant for developing the nation is in the gargantuan size of their waists and tummies. While the rest of us are lean and slim, most of them wear oversize clothes and carry themselves
My Lord, these politicians should be put on a forced slimming diet for impoverishing the nation, perpetuating corruption and engendering kleptocracy. I rest my case.
Judge Mbadwa: This court will make a determination on the Mr Cloud’s submission next week to all the starving court clerks and lawyers time to fill their rumbling bellies.
Court clerk: All rise!n
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