Support children unconditionally

I encountered a situation of a child born out of wedlock. While his parents separated and living apart, he deserved his father’s support as he was living with his mother, the arrangement seemed problematic. Apparently, the father always dangles his monetary support to the the mother as bait for her to comply to his sexual advance. When she declines, the child suffers.

I know many such scenarios.  There are men who want to exchange child support with intimacy from their baby mamas. When she declines, she is deemed rude and unfit to ‘partake’ in his ‘wealth’.

Every sane person gets concerned with the welfare of his children, legitimate or illegitimate. The sanity should drive any parent to want the best for them and look out for their well-being. And whether couples are in good terms or not, it should not be the criteria to help children. There are ways aid can come through without the two crossing paths. And just because one party still has feelings for another, support cannot be a bait to lure him or her to doing something against their wishes.

I am sure there will be ex-partners willing to rekindle old flames anytime, anyplace and anyhow. But respect must be accorded to those that diminish that flame which they may have rekindled with someone else or decide to remain flameless. But this business of dangling the support like a carrot to a horse must stop!

It is good enough that either party allows raising the child together. This must not be likened to foolishness. Also, children must not be tools to torment baby daddies. One cannot be using souls to get back at him or even come in between him and his new flame. Calls at midnight or awkward hours just to inform him about his child’s welfare are unacceptable. Remember, boundaries were set the moment the two of you broke up and went separate ways. Whether one party still loves another is no reason to cling on.

Force has never been the answer. It can never retain a lost attention or love. It can never move any adult to doing things against their will. Let us learn to accept when love is over and move on. It may hurt, but nothing can be done expect pack up and leave. The only reason we would look back is for the sake of those love children. It is futile to believe that because a child was born between a couple, then a forever is guaranteed. Never.