Tame your temper

Are you famous for your short temper? Do you have a short fuse which leads you into frequent arguments and fights? Do not despair. Mwereti Kanjo sniffs around on the keys to controlling your temper.

Anger is a normal, healthy emotion. However, it is unhealthy when it flares up all the time or gets out of control; this is what would be termed as destructive anger.

Constant, explosive anger has serious consequences for your relationships, your health, and your state of mind.

If you are one such person, all hope is not lost because bad tempers can be controlled.

Experts have said, with a little insight into the real reasons for your tempers and some effective anger management tools, you can learn to express your feelings in healthier ways and keep your temper from taking over your life.

The sad thing perhaps about most temperamental persons is that they may not know about their problem.

Psychologist Sandra Mapemba says people who have a bad temper will most often find it hard to remain calm when someone has an opinion that differs from their own. They yell or shout most of the time, might break something during an argument and have difficulty in overlooking other people’s mistakes.

While the signs of anger issues are common among people who are temperamental, the root causes of the problem can vary from individual to individual.

Some people are just born with the condition, while others develop anger issues because of environmental influences such as the stability of the household in which they were raised, their job, or other non-genetic factors.

“Anger can be a healthy release when handled properly, but for many who are unable to cope properly with their anger, stress-related health problems or other concerns can be the result.

While there are many levels of anger, it can be best described as an emotion that causes physical and psychological changes in the individual, including higher blood pressure and increased heart rate,” says Mapemba.

She warns that living with someone who has difficulty managing their anger can cause anxiety and is potentially dangerous. The individual in question needs professional help from counsellors who know how to change behaviours, reduce stress and help people make better decisions when they are angry.

Agreeing with Mapemba’s advice is psychologist and motivational speaker Dr. Phil McGraw. He says you must first identify the emotion your anger covers because anger is nothing more than a cover for hurt, frustration or fear and maybe a combination of all three.

The next step is to identify the source, then the unfulfilled need and finally take action on your condition.

“If you are experiencing uncontrollable rage, you have unfulfilled needs that should be addressed. Maybe you need to forgive yourself for the way you’ve behaved while angry. Perhaps you need to forgive others for their actions. Whatever the case, you need to know what your needs are before you can fill them.

“Instead of raging against people, figure out what you can do that is constructive. If you need to resolve an issue with a person you are really angry with, resolve it. If you need to forgive yourself or someone else, the constructive action would be to forgive,” says McGraw.