Tears from the heart

I always enjoy the company of my lady neighbour’s five-year-old naughty and canny son called Theo. He also has a cute mum and I often use him as a bait to get closer to her, oh yes!

Theo has made it a habit to ask for money to buy a lollipop whenever we meet. When I am broke, I play tricks by asking him to count up to 100 in return for his favourite lollipop.

Counting up to 100 has proved to be an enormous task for the kid, but boys, being what they are, always have a way out.

There are times he tells me off and shouts: “Komanso Uncle Garry ndinu owumila bwanji! Ndinu clinker! Zomwezi mpakana ndiwerenge kufika 100? Kagwereni uko ndi dola yanuyo!” And then he walks away.

But there are times he gives it a try. But, he simply counts up to 65, and from there he jumps to 97, 98, 99, 100!! Then he yells: “Ndawerengatu, ndipatseni lollipop wanga!”  It just proves what a task it is to count up to 100!

Try counting up to 100 ladies and gentlemen and see how long it takes you; and you will realise it is probably enough time for a vehicle that is 56th in a fuel queue to move on and refuel in these hard times, even when there are lots of zigubu in front. It is probably enough for ‘short-time’ service at a rest house somewhere at ‘Chigwiri’.

Sadly, my beloved Flames have tumbled out of the top 100 bracket on Fifa rankings and I now understand how much value we have lost as  a national team.

The team that was so good and competitive not long ago to beat the then African champions Egypt has become such a laughing stock that it can even lose to Chad—a country known more for its ‘Kola dance’ which is performed only at night by nude ladies—other than the beautiful game.

Sad, ladies and gentlemen that we are now number 23 in Africa. You need to clap your hands twice, to get closer to our ranking on the continent, if you are using sign language. And at this rate, we could soon crash into the twilight zone which is inhabited by mickey mouse teams of world football—the likes of Bangladesh and Haiti.

Number 102…Really? Mayoo ine! Well, that is the reality we have to face when our team cannot play international friendly matches. Sadly, the truth we have to deal with when our boys cannot beat such mediocre teams such as Chad. But I suppose all is not lost, we can get back to our feet. Come on  Kinnah! Come on ‘Mjojo’!