Troubled by parents demands
Dear Biggie,
I have been in a relationship with some fine girl for about seven years. That we are yet married to date is on account of one factor. I am a man of modest means and I come from a humble background. My fiancée, on the other hand, was born with a silver spoon in her mouth.
Her parents have tried, with no success, to have us disengage, but our commitment to each other is so strong not even a hurricane would destroy it.
But while I have proposed a wedding that would happen within my financial means, her parents are insistent that I give their daughter the sun, the moon and the stars.
Their suggestion of the venue for the wedding reception is so outlandish—at least in as far as my finances are concerned—they might even have suggested it should be conducted on Mars.
They want our wedding outfits shipped from the UK, simply because that’s what their elder child did. They have demanded that I hire some caterer, who is not necessarily the cheapest one around, to provide the food. And they want me to pay for all that. They say their daughter is the apple of their eye and so I must show my appreciation to them by giving her what she deserves.
On that account, I wouldn’t disagree with them. I seriously want to marry her. My girlfriend has assured me that we can recoup most, if not all of the wedding costs, through pelekani-pelekani because her parents’ family and friends are monied to ensure I don’t feel the financial pinch.
The only way I can afford this wedding, however, is if I obtain katapila. Some of my relations and friends have unapologetically suggested that I dump her and marry someone whose wedding demands would be within my means. But they don’t understand. I’m desperate to marry this girl by all means. My life would unravel if I didn’t have her in my life, and I know she feels the same way about me.
Biggie, am I foolish enough to even think of obtaining katapila just so I can fulfil her parents’ wishes?
LOK by email
Dear LOK,
Sadly, you are indeed foolish. You are not marrying her parents, are you? Her parents will not be around to referee what you do in the kitchen—or in the bedroom, for that matter—will they? By succumbing to their demands, you are subjecting yourself to life of servitude. What more will they demand that you won’t agree with?
I, BMW, don’t get it how people complicate weddings so much. A wedding is a simple ceremony. Two adults, who foolishly still believe in fairytales of lived-happily-ever-after, bring themselves before public scrutiny. A man of God (or, indeed, a man of gods or a man of no gods), performs the symbolic ceremony of tying the two together in their eternal miserly, a few people witness that madness, drinks are toasted, chickens are roasted and washed down with water, wine, kachasu, and that’s the end of the matter. Nothing complicated about that, is there?
A wedding is supposed to be a signpost to a life of bliss, not to a tenure mired in financial debt.
Here’s what I can advise you: tell your fiancée’s parents to book the most costly venue, import the most glittering clothes, prepare the most expensive sumptuous meals, but you are not shelling out a tambala more than you cannot afford. If they cannot do that, tell them to take their daughter and marry her off to Prince Harry!
