Waist beads resurfacing?
In this era when so much is getting lost in modernity; when many wives would gladly choose a bar of chocolate and a good book in bed, over sex with their husbands, is there need to push for enjoyment enhancers such as waist beads anymore? YVONNIE SUNDU explores.
In many cultures of Malawi – with ladies for example, calling them network – these waist beads have been held in high esteem for generations when it comes to what defines attractiveness and sexiness in a woman.
Some women abandoned them years ago but other wives still use them in bed religiously. And now, many young ladies are slowly going back to the times of their grandmothers, as they are buying waist beads. Beautiful curves accentuated with beads are now in fashion.
Actually, beads are an essential element of the marriage counselling nowadays.
It is no surprise to see a young woman wearing beads with her pair of jeans as this is seen as the in thing today.
Nowadays, there is the ornamental single string of beads or gold chain that is worn daily. And others move around with eight or more strings of beads around their waist. This many say is a quest to solidify their marriages and make sexual experiences ever more interesting.
Walking into the Lilongwe main market popularly known as Mpanipani, one can notice beads of different colours on sale. In different sizes and colours like green, blue, red, white and pink they have them all.
“Network ilipo asisi.” “Aunt mikandatu” that’s how they beckon almost every woman coming through their stalls, including the writer.
“Times are changing. Our fore parents were not wrong in using mikanda [waist beads] because as you can see, after years of abandoning this tradition, we have realised its importance and are now back to it. That only shows how important these tiny but important things are in marriages.
“Women from different churches, highly educated in fact bosses in big organisations come here and buy for themselves or young women who are about to go into marriage. The idea is to make men find these things in the home and not with the other women,” explain the women one after another upon enquiring what these beads are for.
“Some men see these from the women they meet at bars and at times they come here and buy for their wives; such men truly love their wives,” says another.
But why call waist beads network?
“The beads arouse the men during foreplay. They bring in that special energy that transfers from the man to the woman, and there comes the network that connects the two…,” they said.
Marriage counsellor and T/A Kachindamoto says the resurfacing of waist beads shows the evolving of the Malawi culture.
“It was a must for women in the past to wear waist beads for sexual purposes. And the resurfacing of the tradition shows how important culture is as it defines a person. Every Malawian woman has to have mikanda, it shows the difference between a man and a woman,” stated Kachindamoto, adding that all young women about to get married must have beads.
According to the chief, each colour has a meaning and it is important that the today woman knows this.
“Red connotes that the woman is in her monthly period, yellow means I am almost done with the period, white means safe and ready, and black means I do not want to have sex tonight. Colours such as blue and green also signals that the woman is ready for the man anytime. Women must know about this.
“Again, waist beads are supposed to be kept under clothes and not what is happening now. They are meant for the woman’s husband alone and not the rest of the world to see. Only in cases of cultural events can a woman be allowed to wear beads on the waist and on top of her clothes. And if you look critically as such beads, there are different from the ones a woman wears in the bedroom for her husband,” Kachindamoto explained.
Some men also share the chief’s view on the waist beads while others do not. However, they were not willing to be revealed despite passionately commenting on the topic.
“My wife wears them and I love them so much. They make your woman feel and look more beautiful, waist beads are stunningly seductive along the curves of her body against the glow of her skin,” said a man who refused to be named.
Another man said: “I do not see the value waist beads add to ones sexual life. Remember, sex is in the mind as such, with or without enhancements like beads, I enjoy sex and I can challenge other men on this.”
All over Africa waist beads are common in other places they are called jigida a name that even vendors in Malawi are familiar with.
Women keep complaining that men are promiscuous and never satisfied but this problem has always been and is at the moment created by women because of continued efforts to portray themselves as sex objects for men to ENJOY. Over the years I have seen many women following such a retrogressive mentality only to end up having their husbands leave them for someone else but also contracting HIV – yes whilst they remained faithful, and followed marriage council to pull their genitals (kukoka), mkomwa and all the medicines put into private parts to make the man feel sweet. It is not surprising that with such thinking about sex, Africa remains ravaged by AIDS because people just focus on trivial things instead of the whole lot of issues surrounding sex which are communication, love, respect (a man respects a woman and a woman respects a man) of course not the oppressive idea that women are the ones to respect men – it has not helped us for many years except leaving many women miserable as the men run amok going from skirt to skirt. The reason why many girls are rushing for beads is not really the original one – they are modifying it to serve more outward aesthetic purposes, almost like the modern make up which has to be seen in public that is why they are not hiding the beads. In a way its somehow better because it quashes the traditional thinking that a woman’s body belongs to her man (men do not think like that) they never say their body belongs to their girlfriend or wife. What girls and women need to understand is that their are better ways to enjoy sex than having a paraphernalia of beads etc. and as one of your interviewees has just pointed out – the beads do not serve any real purpose except a temporary psycho-sexual satisfaction. It ends there and the man is free to look for another woman with different coloured beads. I am an ardent supporter of African culture but I find some of the beliefs African women still hold on regarding sex as contributing to the low status of women, gender inequality and in the end, they promote domestic violence on women.
Anabanda tazikangogulani mikanda uko basi. Anzanu akulandani mwamunayo.
A Banda, amuna sayamika. Akanakhala kuti mikanda imapangitsa amuna kukhala pansi tikanati ayi ndiyabwino. The problem is that mikanda perpetuates the image of women as sex objects and as a result men become unsatisfied with one woman. For centuries women have been custodians of retrogressive culture thereby creating problems for themselves. Atsikana ndi amayi m’manyumbamu tsiku ndi tsiku akukhalira kudandaula khalidwe la amuna koma osadzifunsa kuti mchifukwa chiyani amuna ali osakhutitsidwa? As a married woman myself, I have vowed never to use any of such things because I have vivid examples of women (including my grandmother, mum) and now friends who have focused their lives on kusangalatsa mamuna but ended up finding that the man is going out with mahule and ali ndi zibwenzi mbalimu. The day women will stop making themselves sex objects for men that is when amuna atadzakhuzumuke. I actually say that alibwino atsikana andi amayi omwe savala mikanda, alibe zokoka who lose their boyfriends or husbands than those who waste their precious time only to end up kusiyidwa including contracting HIV. Women and men in our society and the world need to know that sex can be made better by the efforts of both men and women not just women alone turning themselves into toys.