One of the most common reasons people choose wrong partners is that they do not really know themselves.
This is according to an article on Oprah.com titled; Single Ladies: What Do You Really Need in a Relationship?
The article said it is nearly impossible to find someone capable of understanding and respecting one’s deepest vulnerabilities when they are not clear about them themselves.
In society today, there are women looking to find marriage, but somehow they just miss it.
It might be their conduct spelling something different altogether to their potential suitors.
In one social media discussion, a certain woman thought it is best to just be real and avoid overdoing things in a relationship.
She believes that if a relationship is meant to be, then surely the two people will click.
“Take things slow, even if you think this might be your last chance at love. Let him be the first to say to you that he loves you and even if you miss him, do not call him until he calls you,” she says.
One of the local marriage counsellors Reverend Patrick Semphere advises that a single woman looking for a husband needs to have a prioritised shopping list of the kind of man she is looking for.
“This list can encompass attributes such as personal values, religious orientation, cultural, educational and economic background-among other issues. This ensures that decision-making is based on solid ground and that should one want to forego some of these parameters, it is out of choice and not desperation,” he explains.
Semphere believes that such a checklist helps eliminate suitors who do not qualify as potential mates.
For instance, he says if a woman’s top priority is a man who is religious, it means that whoever comes must measure to this cardinal point.
Besides having a shopping list, the marriage counsellor recommends that single women must learn to be principled considering that there are men out there whose primary intent is to use women as mere pleasure joints.
“Have a value set that governs your life. Determine that you will not be used by a man pretending to love you. Good men easily detect when a woman is too desperate and is willing to pay any price for love.
“This jeopardises marriage chances as his assessment of whether the woman will make a good long-term partner is not in her favour. Beware of advancing the physical dimension of the relationship when the mental and psychological aspects are not yet in gear,” he says.
In the same line, one of the social media commentators deplored the bad tendency by some women to always avail themselves to men when the opposite rarely happens.
“They offer a man to go over to his house around late in the evening while he says he intends to go out to watch soccer. This is clearly an imposition and a clear rejection of the idea on his part, she says.
Another gave the example of how clingy some women can be, to their own disadvantage.
“A woman could call man to go out. He may reject the idea, but she insists, offering to even foot the bills. Out of annoyance, he may turn off the phone to stop the insistence and at that point you should know that man is gone,” she says.
Further, Semphere stresses the importance of not being too materialistic, noting that such behaviour may put off a good man.
He further says it is best to aspire to know him as a person and cultivate a friendship based on shared values and not a shared bed.
“Be the ‘Miss Right’ that a man should look for before you can shop around for ‘Mr Right’” he says. n