Where does your ex belong?

Letting go after a break up, even if you are the one that did the dumping, is often difficult. It becomes even harder when you have to meet him every day or when the two of you remain friends and you watch him move on with his life. Paida Mpaso asks our readers whether it is better to keep him close or hold your ex at arm’s length.

 

Amanda Banda, Machinjiri

It depends on the nature of the break-up, but my advice is to stay away from him as much as you can. Some men are very cunning and would give you anything just to get back with them, but I feel as ladies, we need to be in control and make up our minds. If it’s over, move on and let him be.

 

Brenda Ntila, Chilomoni

I think it is better not to be friends, especially if there are no chances of the two of you getting back together. He is your ex, which means that you should let him be in the past. Of course, being friends with him also depends on how the two of you broke up. If it was on a good note, then I guess a little courtesy would not hurt but if the break up was bad, it’s better to leave it like that.

 

Doris Gulaye, Kameza

I think your ex is part of your history. There is no reason to maintain any links with him as this may cause problems, especially if you are attached. This is not to say you can’t say hello when you meet him, but remember that staying in close contact is a problem. Not only does it show how weak you are, it makes you look like a foolish woman with no direction.

 

Chisomo Chakali from Sunyside

Exes spice up the marriage. Marriage is not always rosy. There are times when it stresses you out and talking to your ex really helps. I am not saying you should sleep with them, but talking about your past, spices up your life and helps you remember where you are coming from.

 

Expert opinion, sociologist Pierson Ntata

Honestly, there is no reason to maintain contact with your ex unless there are other issues. I don’t see why you should go and visit him and vice versa. The two of you were in a relationship, therefore, being friends and maintaining contact cannot work. You might actually end up getting back together. I am not saying that you should be enemies, just don’t be in close contact again. In the case where one of you has moved on, maintaining that contact may cause problems to the other partner, a situation which can never be good. Contact each other on a platonic level but not as a way of maintaining communication, it’s just not necessary.