Why do married women give us their numbers?

Dear BMW,

I am 28 and a God-fearing married man from one of the middle-class locations in the city of Blantyre. I have for a long time enjoyed a warm but unsuspicious married woman in her 40s, who I met during one of my business trips.

Out of some tiny mutual interests we happened to have exchanged our numbers. And, cordially, we have sustained some unique WhatsApp relationship. Besides our occasional ‘how are you todays’ and other inquiries of such nature, we have rarely played beyond acceptable limits.

All was well until the day my mobile phone screen was greeted with a buzzing semi-nude picture from my lady friend. I should admit the image surpassed all imaginations that I had about what is always hidden in the tailor-made designer clothes that the woman always spots.

I was at a loss when I received the picture as I didn’t request for it; therefore, I wasn’t expecting it either. I went numb and mute. The silence was only broken two hours later when I received a text from my her, apologising for a ‘Wrong Parking’.

Well, much as it was wrong, but not entirely on my side, I told her how beautiful she is. To my surprise, she made rejoinders which showed she was enjoying my comments, which in view were misplaced.

Unfortunately, her hubby got hold of her phone last week and accessed our X-rated chat and now he is all over threatening to shoot the life out of me the day he will locate me. BMW, what should I do to justify my innocence in all this?

Scared Blantarian (SB)

Dearest SB,

In the past, married women flirting with men was a taboo and one who was caught in such a scenario was usually sent a way to her parents “to be taught some manners”.

However, today, things are different and it is no longer uncommon to find someone’s wife comfortably taking lunch with a supervisor or a colleague somewhere in a dimly-lit corner of a hotel during lunch break.

By now, men should be aware that their wives—who are working or doing businesses away from home—have already hooked up or are on the verge of doing so with someone who keeps them company—call it Plan B. The stay-at-home wives are not spared either as they seek the company of the caretaker, or just a random available man, most likely the garden boy.

I can tell you that many of today’s married women do not have boundaries when they are away from their spouses. In fact, I have come across such wives who are hesitant to disclose their marital status for the purpose of hooking up with another guy.

Even those who are supposed to sport their marriage or engagement rings take them off in such settings to hide their marriage identity. They put them on when they are heading home.

So, if you ask me, why do married women give us their numbers, I can say here without looking over my shoulder that nawonso ndi anthu, they are free to mingle away from their husbands.

But that’s a story for another day, because I think you want to fool me. At first, I thought you are a God-fearing man as you have described yourself only to discover that I am dealing with an idiot. You, my friend wants to sleep with the woman!

Indeed, if you are God-fearing as you claim to be, you should have deleted the photo, blocked the woman and never got in touch with her. But there you were drooling over a married woman and telling her she is stunning. What a fool you are.

By the way, if I were the woman’s husband I would have not even tried to make contact, I would have traced where you work and embarrass you at your workplace.

Stop charming married women unless you are ready to go six-feet under before hitting 40. Dyera bwanji?

Big Man Wamkulu

NOTE: You can now send your problems to BMW via WhatsApp number: +265 998-110-975. No calls please!