My hubby is stingy, should I leave him?

Dear BMW,

We have been married for two years. I love my husband with all my heart. He cares for me, pays the rent on time and settles all our bills, including doing the shopping. He likes to wash the clothes, dishes and water the lawn. He is also so obsessed with the house being clean.

In the bedroom, he does everything a husband should do. But….and I repeat, but…he never gives me cash for spending on myself like to do nails, hair, buy cologne or clothes.

Actually, there is no day he came home with wads of cash and say ‘Hey bae, go spoil yourself ’ or give me money and say, ‘use this money for foods, etc’. He makes sure to buy everything we need using his ATM card so that there is no room for me to claim change.

I tried to talk to our ankhoswe and they advised me to spend my money on my needs because I also work. But all my friends say this is nonsense, that a loving husband should always give his wife some cash to spoil herself.

I am really beginning to hate him for not giving me money.

Does this man even love me?

Do Me a Favour, via WhatsApp, Lilongwe

Dearest DMF,

You must be a very lucky woman to marry such a loving man. I know a good number of your friends who have husbands that scarcely buy any groceries for their wives. But then, on the other hand, you are in one of the worst of relationships because this man ndi wa ndalama zokhwimira and the ng’anga told him once he gives you cash, he will die!

What else can motivate a man to be as stingy as Monsieur Harpagon in Moliere’s The Miser? These are people who die of hunger on the street but when you search their pockets you find they could have afforded lunch for six people at that uptown restaurant. So, if you have tried kwa ankhoswe and it failed, I propose you talk to him in a straight forward manner. Make sure you get your timing right. That time when he wants to touch you.

“Bae, if you fear that something will happen to you if you give me money, please you can give me a check,” you will say.

Well, if that doesn’t work, then you will definitely have to walk out. You mean, why should you be thirsty when you are in water? Bob Marley would call you something in a song!

And, hey, I will end up singing you that old song from Fumbi Jazz Band: Inu azimayi mukafuna kukwatiwa, muzionetsetsa.

You mean, when you were dating didn’t you see the wrinkles on his face when he was parting with money for your cause.

Chemwali, pakirani ndipo fumukani pagalaundi sipali bwino.

Big Man Wamkulu