My wife is a WhatsApp addict

Dear Biggie,

Last week, I enjoyed your entry: “My man is a porn addict”. While reading it, I realised that in my house I also have an addict; my wife. She is not into porn, hashish or some illegal drug, but she is a WhatsApp addict to boot.

How is that possible, you may ask Biggie.

Let me break it down for you. My wife is on WhatsApp 24/7. She doesn’t do anything apart from swiping her phone all day long.

She does not do the dishes, change beddings, cook, go to the market, kuyatsa mbaula or clean the house. Even our bedroom chores are suffering, yes I have said it. She is literally on WhatsApp all the time. At night, she leaves the bedroom to catch up on some updates on her phone.

When I confronted her, she accused me of being a soccer addict. “Do I trouble you when you sleep at 1am because you are watching Champions League or FanZone?” she cornered me.

But Biggie, I know for sure that she needs help because she is wasting my life and her own with this WhatsApp thing.

Help

PK, Bwaila,

Lilongwe via

WhatsApp

Dearest PK,

I am afraid you will be divorced soon. Whoever is keeping your wife happy on WhatsApp has intentions to take the relationship to another level.

Because who in their right mind would want to ruin their lives because of social media? Who would want to waste years of productive life rummaging through smut, fake news, selfies and nudes?

Your wife is wasting your time and she does not realise it. By the time she will take her eyes off the phone, her world will have changed, completely. Your marriage will be irreparable, your family will be broke, your kids will have grown up without a mum and your house will look like its Basra—neglected and abandoned.

Tell her to wake up and smell the coffee, WhatsApp is just one of the many social media networks that will come and go, but there is life, real life to live, bills to pay and kids to raise!

And you PK, you sleep at 1am leaving your wife to find some virtual comfort on WhatsApp? Useless man! Keep that woman busy in the bedroom?

Please don’t come crying to me again that my wife is always on WhatsApp when you can’t keep her busy. Keep that bed creaking and sooner or later, WhatsApp will be a thing of the past for her.

BMW

NOTE: You can now send your problems to BMW via WhatsApp number: +265 888-209-027. No calls please!